I had a dream. I was surrounded by water. At a river. A big river. On a canoe. There were alot of us. I was with my family. Me, my brother, my mum and my younger brother and sister, sharing 2 canoes among us.

It started off at a steep fast-flowing stream. The rest of the villagers cautiously moving at a slow pace on the right while me and my brother soared down vertically, ignoring all the natural bends of the stream. We soared, among the trees and greenery, it was beautiful. And although in most circumstances I would normally be scared out of my mind, I was thrilled, I felt liberated! Free. It was a very nice feeling.

Maybe because I knew it was in the safety of my dreams, but really, the feeling and the colours, they all felt real to me.

Soon after that we approach a wide calm river. The widest river I've ever seen. Maybe this is what the amazon looks like. Its breathtaking. And we have two choices, to go one way or another. I guess at this moment there would be some cool piano music accompanying us. Would make for a great movie huh? At this point my mum gets out of her canoe and into the water. She just decided to jump in the water. Wow. "What's the big deal? The water isn't even that deep." she says. She can't even swim. Ofcourse after that she realised that it was indeed deep. But for some weird reason she managed to stay afloat until my brother rowed our canoe to come get her. With no struggle. This dream is really some piece of work huh? Its a miracle.

I then settled on sharing with my little sister and brother. Me at the back, and my sister at the very front, my brother safely in between. With such young people around, still it felt so safe - as if nothing would happen to them.

Anyways, my mum says out a name of a place, of which I can't remember, nor do I feel exist in reality, I've never heard of it before. And my brother replies to that by saying that we should go to the left because thats [another name of a place] and it will lead us to our [mysterious] desired location. Guess he's been here before. Where we were headed to, and what we were going to do there, I still don't know.

The dream ended before that. I woke up feeling that this was a weirdly memorable dream. It happened this morning, but tonight right as I closed my eyes, the same view appeared in my mind again. There was just endless miles of water. Its gotta mean something right? I felt so serene. They say your dream is your subconcious. But I don't have to go to a tarrot card reader to ask what this dream was trying to tell me. I already know.

Its the cry of broken teenage girl's heart longing for freedom.

My bestfriend said I should get a hobby. You know, drown myself into something to keep out of trouble. Not that I ever create it, it just happens to me. Or maybe its triggered from how I act. I guess you learn from your mistakes. But something I learned today is you can't really change from the person you really are. Maybe you get a change of heart and you want to, but when it comes down to it deep inside its always going to be you. So you have to learn to accept yourself, no matter how hard it can be. For some people it comes naturally, others take their whole life and some not at all. I feel sorry for those people. Some people go through their whole life worrying about what other people think. You can never be yourself if you have to constantly change to satisfy the crowd. But what you can hope for are friends who accept you for who you are and encourage you to accept yourself. Those are real friends. And over these last few months of highschool I have finally found those friends. And they've taught me alot, without even having to say it.

They let me live it.

Sometimes you wish that others could see your point of view. Highschool can be a drag. Its almost over and still alot of things can happen. People are just in it for the drama or they try to hide insecurities or they embrace their insecurities by making others feel worse. Sometimes its not the popular girls who are the meanest. I've found that those who aren't can be so much more. They work in a way that they don't confront you when their unsatisfied. Instead they choose to pretend like nothing is wrong. I say those people are cowards. They are too afraid of what other people might say about them, or to arrogant to have their opinions changed about something. Again, drama. If you never confront people with your problems, you can never have a real relationship. Its more like you're just asking for this existing relationship to be wrecked. You just don't want it all to be well, you just want some drama in your life. So you lose a friend, you step on some toes and you feel like somethings happening in your life for once. But is it really worth it? If you ever come across girls like these, I'd say its better to stay away. I'd rather opt for my friends. And its also when you realise who your real friends are. The ones who tell you when you're screwing up, the ones who are completely honest with you no matter what. Even when their pissed or angry or dissapointed, you can count on a real friend to tell you how they really feel. Because thats what friends do,

They help you improve yourself.

Well I've created this blog kinda as therapy. Just a way to let out my thoughts and my feelings. I do write alot. I just don't really post them up for the world to see. But yeah, this is my world and now its up for the rest of the world to see. Surprise! Hmm about me. Not much to it actually. Just a simple girl going through highschool life like everyone else. I write alot; poetry, prose, just about anything. Sometimes I just write to let out my feelings or I could write a song and I've even given it a go at writing my own drama script. Still in progress though. Hmm what else. I like the arts - I'm into design, I sing and some say I'm a good actress as well. I can be quite emo at times. In terms of the all black room and desktop kinda thing. Bit of a rockchick. Originally I had long curly black hair. Which I adored and so did my best guy friend. But yeah I just went through a phase and just wanted to have a drastic change you know. So there it is, chopped of all my hair and straightened it. And drastic it was as its the total opposite of my old hair. Except for the colour I guess, I'm cool with black. So yeah hope this gives you a little idea of what I'm like. For all you people reading out there. Keep reading. And yeah,

Welcome to my world!