Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Hurt: It feels like insurgent pain. A heavy load crushing my heart, physically being able to feel it. Right in here towards the left of my chest. It feels like constant pounding that won't go away. It feels like so much pressure has built up in there, my heart is filled to the brim with water. It feels like my stomach feels light while my heart weighs me down. My heart is so heavy. I feel like I'm going to faint, my legs and my body feel so weak at these thoughts. I want to suppress them but i cannot. I want to erase them from my mind but I still remember! I wish it didn't happen but it did! With this hurt I feel a sore in my throat.

A sore in my throat, pressure in my heavy heart, the dizziness of my light stomach, my surrendered weak legs and the muscles of my frown begin to strain.

I am frail. I feel wounded.

As my throat clenches tighter i feel my eyes begin to water. But too many tears have I shed and no more can I give. I can no longer relinquish, I have no more to offer. Though I know I can no longer afford to feel these feelings, the painful memories still hold on to me and I cannot forget. I crumble and concede to my own web of destruction.

Why would you do this to me? How could you do this to me? How and why could she do this to me? Did both of you for one second stop to think of me? How could you, why would you? How could you, why would you? How could you? How could you?

I sigh.. then I begin to breathe heavier. And I can no longer take it. Miraculously I shed more tears. Though they say you should be strong in life and learn to forgive and forget, I simply can't forget.

I will never forget.

I won't forget. I can't forget. I can't forget. I can't forget.

So maybe it is my fault for thinking these negative things,

Well then I crumble and concede in my own web of destruction.